Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Lost Soul

I feel as cold and barren as these winter tree branches.

When I started my blog a year ago I wanted it to be a place where I could share my images and give people a place to visit that was uplifting.
The last 8 months have been difficult but my faith in God had kept me strong.
I have enjoyed quiet moments with Him and found beauty in the small things.
I have attempted to pass this on here.
Lately my spirits are lagging
I have become depressed
I don't have anything positive to pass on
I just don't come here.
I feel like this lonely tree
when is God going to move?

I have been here before, I know He always comes through. Actually I have always been blessed beyond what I have hoped for. But for now my human brain just can't take this waiting.

The fear (that I thought I had dealt with) won't let me go right now. I am afraid my husband will not get a job. That we are going to loose our house (this, we are pretty sure of) so I will loose my studio. Will I find a job? How do I look for one? What can I do? I have never filled out a resume. 27 years working for myself. How will this affect my daughter who is a junior in high school? On one hand I want to start a new life, in a different place. An adventure! I want to be used by God, to do what ever He wants us to do. I get my hopes up, get used to the idea if moving, but then my husband finds out he didn't get the job. A job I thought would be a dream job for him. Finally, his turn to have his dream. God wants us to have our hearts desires, right?

I know all the answers to these questions. I know God is faithful. I know things will turn out for the best.

But right now,

In this time

I'm afraid to hope.

I feel like this old shoe I found in my woods. A Lost Soul.

I know things will happen in His time and I should be expectantly waiting but for now I just need to be quiet and listen. Please pray my for peace of mind.

Thank you!

1 comment:

  1. Sherri,

    I know at this time there are so many challenges before you and its difficult not to worry about each one of them. Please try to find comfort in knowing there are people out there that care and are listening. I know we can not change the events but asking for people to help you is a good step. I have had times in my life that I have wondered similar thoughts, it is as if your whole world is collapsing around you. I have found to focus on one thing at a time and work on it. The big picture is so overwhelming that you end up feeling like you can’t do anything but broken up into smaller manageable portions you can and will conquer them. Right now you are in a mourning phase and you will get threw this and bounce back even stronger than before. It won’t ever be the same as it was before and I think that is always scary. If I can ever help you please don’t hesitate to contact me.