Waiting

This is how I feel

Do I just sit and wait on God? "Be STILL and KNOW that I am GOD.

or

Do I try to find a way out of this place?

Dreaming and Waiting on God

I am sitting at a golf course in Defiance, Ohio enjoying the wonders of technology. I watched day 1 of the golf match yesterday of my daughters boyfriend. I had a good day but today for the 2nd round I decided I'd sit this one out and read at the club house. Then I found out they had free wireless! So, I get to sit outdoors, enjoying a beautiful view and a wonderful breeze. Catch up on my blog and check in on friends then read my current book. Can't ask for a better Sunday.

I was catching up on a fellow blogger
thecottagenest.blogspot.com
and was reminded how wonderful God is.

So often we are lead to believe he isn't interested in what we would enjoy, or, we think He doesn't care if we are happy. "He is the mean parent keeping us on the straight and narrow!"
Well Jen reminded me that He does care, and for those of us who are artistic, He understands our need for beauty in our lives. (He made us this way!) Sometimes we need to look closely for it in tough circumstances but He gives it to us. Actually it is all around us. We just need to open the eyes of our spirit and see what He sees!

I have had a very difficult year and have been pushed to the brink several times but I just keep hanging on to the fact that God wants the best for me. It may not be what I think of as best but as I look through His eyes I see things a bit differently. All the things I thought I needed or were important have fallen away and now I live simply and much more at peace since I just live each day in quiet expectation of what he will show me today.

At this time our home is in foreclosure and I wonder where we will end up living? My photography studio is in our home so this loss will also affect where I will work as well as live. Early on I got scared that we would live on the streets. But God has been so faithful and has provided that I am now convinced that He will give us a place to live and a place for me to work in the vocation that He called me to.
Jen, reminded me that His timing is perfect and Good things come to those who wait. If we do loose our home, I would love to have a smaller cozier house. I will live where ever He has for us but a cute little place with a woods and nature would be a dream! Most of the time I feel I don't deserve what I dream. Old negative voices say it won't happen and God doesn't care but I know better.
I live near a wonderful, artistic community that has some of the cutest homes and I would LOVE to live there, BUT, it is a very expensive town. It probably isn't possible with our situation and will never happen. (Negative voices) but you just never know where God wants you, so I am posting a few of the places I dream of living and we will just WAIT on God and see where He takes us!

Lost Soul

I feel as cold and barren as these winter tree branches.

When I started my blog a year ago I wanted it to be a place where I could share my images and give people a place to visit that was uplifting.

The last 8 months have been difficult but my faith in God had kept me strong.

I have enjoyed quiet moments with Him and found beauty in the small things.

I have attempted to pass this on here.

Lately my spirits are lagging

I have become depressed

I don't have anything positive to pass on

so

I just don't come here.

I feel like this lonely tree

alone

waiting

wondering

when is God going to move?

I have been here before, I know He always comes through. Actually I have always been blessed beyond what I have hoped for. But for now my human brain just can't take this waiting.

The fear (that I thought I had dealt with) won't let me go right now. I am afraid my husband will not get a job. That we are going to loose our house (this, we are pretty sure of) so I will loose my studio. Will I find a job? How do I look for one? What can I do? I have never filled out a resume. 27 years working for myself. How will this affect my daughter who is a junior in high school? On one hand I want to start a new life, in a different place. An adventure! I want to be used by God, to do what ever He wants us to do. I get my hopes up, get used to the idea if moving, but then my husband finds out he didn't get the job. A job I thought would be a dream job for him. Finally, his turn to have his dream. God wants us to have our hearts desires, right?

I know all the answers to these questions. I know God is faithful. I know things will turn out for the best.

But right now,

In this time

I'm afraid to hope.

I feel like this old shoe I found in my woods. A Lost Soul.

I know things will happen in His time and I should be expectantly waiting but for now I just need to be quiet and listen. Please pray my for peace of mind.

Thank you!