Wednesday, September 30, 2009
So, I'm sitting here knowing I need to update my blog. I'm tired and over whelmed. It has been a very long week and I am so far behind in work and house work and getting with people but as I sit here just trying to relax and read some of my favorite blogs I am reminded that nothing last forever and what I feel I need to do is not an emergency and can wait. I need to stop trying to be perfect. I need to take time for myself or I will not be able to take care of my family.
Let me explain just a bit of what has been happening here.
Monday evening a week ago my husband and I were getting ready for the Monday night new episodes of our favorite TV shows. It is the only night I really watch TV. I was finishing up some work in my office when my husband comes to the doorway with his hand on his chest. I ask him "Do we need to go to the emergency room?" and what you hope not to hear , he says.
I want to add a bit of comic relief here coz it really is funny and so typical of me. My husband has had afib or what ever it is called in the past, so I thought it may just be that but a bit worse so I go back to get decent clothes on, pee and brush my teeth. Then I was thinking "I better get a book. You know how emergency rooms are. We may be there forever" when he kinda yells out " Where are you!"
Woopsie! I better just go.
Then I see his face again and know this time it is different. So off we go around the corner to our local hospital. Literally, it is 2 minutes away. He makes me leave him at the ambulance entrance coz he doesn't want to wait for triage and registration. I drop him at the door and go park. This door is locked and he has to bang on it for them to let him in. (He knew this, I did not) But he gets right in, bypassing all the paperwork. He is so sneaky.
Skip to next day
He has a heart cath. It is not good news. He has bad coronary artery disease. They want to do several bypasses the next day. They go back and put him on a balloon pump to keep his artery open until they can operate the next day.
Another funny scene. When I get to the hospital Wednesday morning he is on his blackberry conducting business, in his hospital room! It is 3 hours before open heart surgery and he is working on a bid for a job! We teased him that we were going to give the Doc. the phone to answer any important calls and wake him if it was an emergency. If it wasn't, just tell them "His heart isn't in it right now." We really are bad. Our pastor said that now I can't accuse him of not having a heart and I said yeah but I now know for a fact he has a cold, hard heart!
We have been going through some very trying times for the last couple of years and the last few months have been the worst but God has given us a peace and has provided all we have needed so I had faith in God that He would see us through this also. We had family and friends praying and sitting with us and I just knew he would come through this.
Sometimes we have to go through difficult times in order to grow and trust God. I have always heard this said but until you start to live it you really don't understand. It has been a really rough go for quite some time now and we keep wondering when the tide will turn. But I wouldn't give anything to change any of it because of how close we have grown and our trust in God has changed. It has all been worth it.
I am thankful for what God has brought us through and because of all of this I do not battle fear or anxiety anymore. After almost 50 years of not living for me but doing what I thought everyone else wanted. I am finally free. I have a hard head and it took a lot for God to finally make me see but He is so faithful and He never leaves us!
Today is day 3 at home and my husband gets stronger and better each day. I am learning to take each moment as a gift from God and cherish the time God gives us. I also say in stressful times, It is what it is, and I go on.
God has been showing me how to appreciate all that is around me. This is why I take so many photos and why I share them with you. I want others to see the beauty of everyday that is all around us. I will continue to just put up images that move me hoping that somehow they will speak to you too!